10 Things other people said or did that helped me when I was depressed

1. They said, “There is nothing you have to do or achieve.” This was really important, because part of my depression was the feeling that I had not done enough, not achieved enough, not been good enough, that I was not good enough or deserving enough to deserve God’s love or my family’s love. 
2. They never said, “Think positive,” or “Try to pull yourself out of it.” 
3. They came to visit. When I was at my worst, they came to visit me. Even if they couldn’t think of what to say, their presene really meant a lot to me. 
4. Were okay with just being there. Just the presence of someone else meant a lot to me then. 
5. Reassured me God still loved me, even if I couldn’t think it or feel it, and that He was still with me, even if I couldn’t feel His presence. This was really helpful. 
6. Occasionally got angry with me when I said something particularly unreasonable. I can’t recommend this as a conscious tactic (when I was depressed I was very sensitive to deception and could have spotted that a mile off) but if you do involuntarily get angry with the person you love, because they are spouting nonsense, don’t feel guilty about it afterwards - it actually helped me to realise that love is real, that the world is real, in a funny sort of way. 
7. Reassured me that I would feel happiness again some day. This was so important, to have that hope. And it is true - it did happen! (I remember reading a story about someone at Auschwitz who told another inmate who was thinking of committing suicide, “How, then, will you know what the end of your story is?”) The thought that I might feel happy again one day was one thing that kept me going. 
8. Regarding Strange Thoughts - reassured me that everyone gets strange thoughts sometimes. This has been a perversely comforting thought, since I do suffer from these at times. 
9. Reminded me of particular Bible verses:

             Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1

             For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38

             Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8 

10. Encouraged me to keep hoping, that someday I wouldn’t even remember what it was like to be depressed. Strangely enough I still do remember what it was like, but I no longer experience that depression. I know happiness and sadness and a range of emotions now. You do come out of it. 

10 Things that helped me when I was depressed

In my twenties I got severely depressed. Here are some things that helped me, back then, and still help me today, when I'm melancholy:

1. Go to the Doctor and get medical help. This one was so very important when I was severely depressed, not sleeping, having obsessive thoughts. My Doctor was able to discern if I just needed to talk, or needed medication to help me get through. At that time, in my twenties, I really did need medication. These days, I still need to talk to my Doctor at times.

2. Talk to a wise friend or family member, who is not self-important and has a sense of humour about life. This one helped me. Even though I’m a Christian, one of the best people to talk to when I was depressed was an agnostic friend who came to see me in hospital, who is a very humble person. Also my parents were good to talk to, & my Doctor. (This was when I was about twenty years old, when I had a severe episode of depression) 

3. Pray - ask God for help, and hope, even if you can't feel hope. God is real and will help you. Believe that, even if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel today, one day you will be able to, one day you will wake up in the morning, not depressed. It is very important to believe this, because eventually, it can happen, and it did for me. 

4. Have a drink (beer, wine) with a good friend. It was reading about the German reformer Martin Luther’s experience with depression that led me to this tip. (Obviously it’s not good advice if alcohol is your ‘problem’ but for me drinking was and still is a good thing to do when depressed or melancholy.) A couple of glasses of wine or beer can help you forget your troubles for a little while, you can have a laugh about things, ‘wine maketh glad the heart’. Obviously if you drink too much, you have to deal with the after-effects, but in moderation, with a good friend, it’s not a bad thing to do from time to time. 

5. Read a funny book or listen to something funny. I read my way through the Peanuts comics by Charles Schulz, and this really helped me a lot. At the time I wasn’t able to read the Bible, or anything deep or philosophical, even novels, because my mind twisted things and made them negative. Even Reader’s Digest articles sometimes disturbed me. But the Peanuts cartoons were something I could read without getting disturbed or worried, and they helped me recover my perspective and sense of humour. Also the jokes in Reader's Digest were good. Lake Wobegon, too.

6. Forget yourself for a little while by doing something you enjoy. Watch a movie (for me it is usually Sci-Fi). Read a good book. Go swimming. Go for a walk in nature. Spend time with a friend. Have a good, nutritious, tasty meal. Sometimes I was so depressed I couldn’t enjoy any of these things - but when I started to recover, some of these sorts of simple enjoyments helped me along. 

7. Forget yourself by helping someone else. I helped a good friend of mine take a group of Quadraplegics shopping - and it is not the ‘virtue’ of the activity that helped or any ‘brownie points’ I thought I could earn (with God we’re all in debt, no amount of brownie points can change that, after all, all we can do is trust that He loves us) - but the relationships I formed with the Quads, and the fact that in so many ways they were worse off than I was, yet still able to be cheerful, these things really helped me. Visiting friends in nursing homes, hospital, etc., helped at times too. 

8. Spend time with an animal or a pet. Dogs can be especially comforting, because they are overjoyed to see you and commiserate so well when you’re sad. 

9. Don’t try too hard not to be depressed, don't try too hard to experience things. But if you can, simply notice beauty in the world. How beautiful the sky can be. Feel the bark on the trees. The softness of the breeze. Sometimes, though, depression can even dull these things - nonetheless just by noticing, rather than trying to experience beauty, I was able to forget myself a little. And the beauty of the world can point us towards the God who made the world, and loves us.  

10. Give your life to Jesus Christ and ask Him to help you and save you. I did this quite a few times when I was depressed, praying with Christian friends or counselors, asking Jesus’ help! At first it didn’t seem as though anything much had changed, and it took a long time before I could see His hand really at work in my life, but in those moments of prayer I really did feel Jesus’ comforting presence, and those moments kept me hoping that my life would change. And there were times of closeness to God, even at my lowest points. And eventually, Jesus did help me, healed me, saved me from depression. (Please note - this advice is not just for Christians. Jesus loves everyone, wants to help and heal and save everyone, no matter what creed, colour, gender, etc etc. And He is real and alive, this is true.) 

Invisible but Real

A list of things that we cannot see that we know are nonetheless real, that we can only perceive by the effect that they have on other things. This is by no means an exhaustive list. 

Wind 

Air 

Oxygen 

Electricity 

Heat 

Atoms 

Electrons 

& other subatomic particles

Bacteria 

Radiation 

Thought and Consciousness (in others: 

i.e. The existence of animals as thinking, feeling beings. 

& The existence of other people as independent, conscious beings capable of rationality.)

Feeling (in others) 

Truth 

Hope

Faithfulness 

Trust 

Spirit 

Love

& 

God. 

(PS God is unique in this list as He is not a thing among other things, but the author of everything and the ground of all being. But just as we can see that Electricity, or Consciousness, or Love exists, because of their effects on what is visible, even if we cannot see them, we can see that God exists in the same way. ) 

Trump Hispanics and Evangelicals

This is quite interesting. The response of Hispanic Southern Baptists to some Southern Baptist preachers joining Trump's 'evangelical advisory board'. To me it casts light on the one of the central issues of the American election, i.e. what's wrong with Christians supporting Trump (as usual in politics the pendulum swings the other way, too far), the comments at the bottom are interesting too.  It's a shame that in the US election, as in ours, there is a paucity of credible candidates.

Our Response to the “Trump Evangelical Advisory Board”

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – As Christian pastors, and Hispanic Baptist leaders, we have witnessed with sadness and concern the joining of the “Trump Evangelical Advisory Board” by several respected brothers and leaders, including some pastors in our Southern Baptist Convention. Let us be clear, they all have the right to join any political body, and they have done so on a personal level.

Nevertheless, we think that is not the wisest move by those we call brothers to join this particular board. We understand we need to be of “influence” or salt and light in a very dark world, but joining this board is not the wisest way to be salt and light. Upon occasion, we can influence more by holding forth the unquenchable light of the Gospel outside the camp, rather than jumping into a crowded office where the weed and wheat are undistinguishable.

It is not only Mr. Trump’s questionable character; the boasting about his fornications and his lack of repentance, and the use of an outrageous and disrespectful language to refer to the Hispanic community, igniting the hidden racism still imbedded in parts of our society. it is the joining as evangelicals with people who profane the evangelio.

This is our greatest concern. It is heart breaking to see brothers joining an “evangelical board” with false teachers like Kenneth Copeland and Paula White. These people have profaned the gospel of Christ. They teach a different gospel –i.e. the so-called prosperity gospel. They have deceived many in our Hispanic communities. In our churches, we have received many who have been victims of their fairy tales and false promises. The truth of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is too precious for us to be silent. By being part of a board with people like Copeland and White we send the wrong message to our churches and to our society, as if they are “evangelicals” as we are. Our main concern is not “political correctness”, it is about the testimony of the Gospel that has saved us and the Gospel that we proclaim.

Council Hispanic Baptist Pastors Alliance

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/warrenthrockmorton/2016/06/23/hispanic-southern-baptist-pastors-criticize-trumps-evangelical-advisory-board/

Strength made perfect in weakness

How hard we try to be strong! How we brush our weakness under the carpet, and try to pretend it doesn't exist! The show of competence we increasingly portray in our society, the show of invulnerability, a kind of act. (Note that the word hypocrisy comes from the Greek word meaning 'actor.')

Yet God said to St Paul, when he asked Him to remove his affliction, that 'thorn in the flesh' that remains unspecified, (2 Corinthians 12) “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

Marriage, problems and prayer

One of my students, a little Jewish girl, once said, "Andrew, you need a wife. You see you're so disorganised and you need someone to help you get organised." I said, "Why don't you pray for me that God sends me a wife then?" She said, "I don't  think I know the words in Hebrew for that." I said, "Well, why don't you ask Him in English then? I'm sure God will still understand your prayers if you say them in English."
~~~~
I worry because my problem is I don't have a wife.
Then I worry because if I get one, she might become my problem!
~~~~

Pulse nightclub shooting - context.

The Pulse nightclub shooting is terrible.

Our sympathy needs to go to the families of the people killed, and we should pray for those wounded in hospital.

Some surrounding facts - if this casts any light on this terrible act, I do not know. At the least it was an outrageous act of hypocrisy, or perhaps misdirected anger by the gunman at former abuse.

For it seems Seddique Mateen, the father of the Orlando nightclub gunman, Omar Mateen, runs a TV show on a Californian TV channel called Payam-e-Afghan that supports the Afghan Taliban, who are ruled by the Pashtun ethnic group. Callers into the show regularly espouse support for Pashtun domination over the other ethnic minorities in Afghanistan. Payam-e-Afghan espouses sympathy for the Taliban and criticizes US actions in Afghanistan too. The name of the show references the disputed border with Pakistan. Seddique Mateen, it seems, was a dedicated cultural Pashtun.

And amongst the Pashtun, child abuse of boys by older men is a rampant cultural custom, here is an article - the US Military when they moved in were horrified by this behaviour once they discovered what was going on. Apparently for these strict Taliban men, women are so unapproachable (they have the full body burqa in Afghanistan) that their culture has developed an institutionalised form of child abuse of boys instead.

Members of the army wondered why they were protecting a group that practiced such an abhorrent custom.

Addendum: Apparently Seddique told NBC news on Sunday that religion had nothing to do with the shooting, and offered another possible motive: in Miami a few months before his son had become enraged when two men kissed in front of his own young son.  (same link) All these facts together suggest a possible interpretation of his motives, and one hopes journalists and investigators in the US look further into the background here. Some of my questions - surely a TV show supporting the enemies of US shouldn't be allowed? It is treachery and used to be an offence punishable by death in most Western countries. And did the Pashtun bring their abhorrent customs with them to the US?

Also - Apparently when the Taliban came to power they put a stop to the practice of child abuse. Such is the complexity of real events... Seddique supports the Taliban, who tried to enforce a ban on homosexuality in Afghanistan including the rampant abuse of boys, something clearly wrong. His son then goes and shoots up a gay night-club - was he influenced by Seddique's views? You can imagine what he grew up hearing his father saying about the West...

***Further Addendum: It seems Omar Mateen was a regular attender at the nightclub and was actively gay, apparently. I wonder if the biggest attraction of martyrdom for these Moslems who commit these acts is the prospect of the forgiveness of their sins - this is, perversely, why many of them seem in fact to be very much 'integrated' into Western Society before they commit acts of suicidal terror. After becoming 'integrated' (i.e. joining in on drinking, extramarital sex, using drugs, etc etc, things which are apparently forbidden under Islamic law) they get a guilty conscience and look for a way out. I think the Quran to many Moslems is not a book that encourages the view that God forgives sins with no strings attached - no, sins need to be balanced, weighed up against good deeds, and when judgement happens you're at the mercy of whatever the scales decide. Whereas a martyr goes straight to heaven, according to their belief. So the attraction of martyrdom.

It is so very sad that these people don't believe in Jesus as Lord and Saviour - then they would know that their sins are forgiven, shown by the fact that He went to the cross and died on their behalf. They would know that they don't need to commit even more atrocious acts to gain forgiveness. Instead they despair of any solution except causing mayhem and destruction, and suicide.