10 Things other people said or did that helped me when I was depressed

1. They said, “There is nothing you have to do or achieve.” This was really important, because part of my depression was the feeling that I had not done enough, not achieved enough, not been good enough, that I was not good enough or deserving enough to deserve God’s love or my family’s love. 
2. They never said, “Think positive,” or “Try to pull yourself out of it.” 
3. They came to visit. When I was at my worst, they came to visit me. Even if they couldn’t think of what to say, their presene really meant a lot to me. 
4. Were okay with just being there. Just the presence of someone else meant a lot to me then. 
5. Reassured me God still loved me, even if I couldn’t think it or feel it, and that He was still with me, even if I couldn’t feel His presence. This was really helpful. 
6. Occasionally got angry with me when I said something particularly unreasonable. I can’t recommend this as a conscious tactic (when I was depressed I was very sensitive to deception and could have spotted that a mile off) but if you do involuntarily get angry with the person you love, because they are spouting nonsense, don’t feel guilty about it afterwards - it actually helped me to realise that love is real, that the world is real, in a funny sort of way. 
7. Reassured me that I would feel happiness again some day. This was so important, to have that hope. And it is true - it did happen! (I remember reading a story about someone at Auschwitz who told another inmate who was thinking of committing suicide, “How, then, will you know what the end of your story is?”) The thought that I might feel happy again one day was one thing that kept me going. 
8. Regarding Strange Thoughts - reassured me that everyone gets strange thoughts sometimes. This has been a perversely comforting thought, since I do suffer from these at times. 
9. Reminded me of particular Bible verses:

             Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1

             For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38

             Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8 

10. Encouraged me to keep hoping, that someday I wouldn’t even remember what it was like to be depressed. Strangely enough I still do remember what it was like, but I no longer experience that depression. I know happiness and sadness and a range of emotions now. You do come out of it. 

10 Things that helped me when I was depressed

In my twenties I got severely depressed. Here are some things that helped me, back then, and still help me today, when I'm melancholy:

1. Go to the Doctor and get medical help. This one was so very important when I was severely depressed, not sleeping, having obsessive thoughts. My Doctor was able to discern if I just needed to talk, or needed medication to help me get through. At that time, in my twenties, I really did need medication. These days, I still need to talk to my Doctor at times.

2. Talk to a wise friend or family member, who is not self-important and has a sense of humour about life. This one helped me. Even though I’m a Christian, one of the best people to talk to when I was depressed was an agnostic friend who came to see me in hospital, who is a very humble person. Also my parents were good to talk to, & my Doctor. (This was when I was about twenty years old, when I had a severe episode of depression) 

3. Pray - ask God for help, and hope, even if you can't feel hope. God is real and will help you. Believe that, even if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel today, one day you will be able to, one day you will wake up in the morning, not depressed. It is very important to believe this, because eventually, it can happen, and it did for me. 

4. Have a drink (beer, wine) with a good friend. It was reading about the German reformer Martin Luther’s experience with depression that led me to this tip. (Obviously it’s not good advice if alcohol is your ‘problem’ but for me drinking was and still is a good thing to do when depressed or melancholy.) A couple of glasses of wine or beer can help you forget your troubles for a little while, you can have a laugh about things, ‘wine maketh glad the heart’. Obviously if you drink too much, you have to deal with the after-effects, but in moderation, with a good friend, it’s not a bad thing to do from time to time. 

5. Read a funny book or listen to something funny. I read my way through the Peanuts comics by Charles Schulz, and this really helped me a lot. At the time I wasn’t able to read the Bible, or anything deep or philosophical, even novels, because my mind twisted things and made them negative. Even Reader’s Digest articles sometimes disturbed me. But the Peanuts cartoons were something I could read without getting disturbed or worried, and they helped me recover my perspective and sense of humour. Also the jokes in Reader's Digest were good. Lake Wobegon, too.

6. Forget yourself for a little while by doing something you enjoy. Watch a movie (for me it is usually Sci-Fi). Read a good book. Go swimming. Go for a walk in nature. Spend time with a friend. Have a good, nutritious, tasty meal. Sometimes I was so depressed I couldn’t enjoy any of these things - but when I started to recover, some of these sorts of simple enjoyments helped me along. 

7. Forget yourself by helping someone else. I helped a good friend of mine take a group of Quadraplegics shopping - and it is not the ‘virtue’ of the activity that helped or any ‘brownie points’ I thought I could earn (with God we’re all in debt, no amount of brownie points can change that, after all, all we can do is trust that He loves us) - but the relationships I formed with the Quads, and the fact that in so many ways they were worse off than I was, yet still able to be cheerful, these things really helped me. Visiting friends in nursing homes, hospital, etc., helped at times too. 

8. Spend time with an animal or a pet. Dogs can be especially comforting, because they are overjoyed to see you and commiserate so well when you’re sad. 

9. Don’t try too hard not to be depressed, don't try too hard to experience things. But if you can, simply notice beauty in the world. How beautiful the sky can be. Feel the bark on the trees. The softness of the breeze. Sometimes, though, depression can even dull these things - nonetheless just by noticing, rather than trying to experience beauty, I was able to forget myself a little. And the beauty of the world can point us towards the God who made the world, and loves us.  

10. Give your life to Jesus Christ and ask Him to help you and save you. I did this quite a few times when I was depressed, praying with Christian friends or counselors, asking Jesus’ help! At first it didn’t seem as though anything much had changed, and it took a long time before I could see His hand really at work in my life, but in those moments of prayer I really did feel Jesus’ comforting presence, and those moments kept me hoping that my life would change. And there were times of closeness to God, even at my lowest points. And eventually, Jesus did help me, healed me, saved me from depression. (Please note - this advice is not just for Christians. Jesus loves everyone, wants to help and heal and save everyone, no matter what creed, colour, gender, etc etc. And He is real and alive, this is true.) 

Invisible but Real

A list of things that we cannot see that we know are nonetheless real, that we can only perceive by the effect that they have on other things. This is by no means an exhaustive list. 

Wind 

Air 

Oxygen 

Electricity 

Heat 

Atoms 

Electrons 

& other subatomic particles

Bacteria 

Radiation 

Thought and Consciousness (in others: 

i.e. The existence of animals as thinking, feeling beings. 

& The existence of other people as independent, conscious beings capable of rationality.)

Feeling (in others) 

Truth 

Hope

Faithfulness 

Trust 

Spirit 

Love

& 

God. 

(PS God is unique in this list as He is not a thing among other things, but the author of everything and the ground of all being. But just as we can see that Electricity, or Consciousness, or Love exists, because of their effects on what is visible, even if we cannot see them, we can see that God exists in the same way. ) 

Trump Hispanics and Evangelicals

This is quite interesting. The response of Hispanic Southern Baptists to some Southern Baptist preachers joining Trump's 'evangelical advisory board'. To me it casts light on the one of the central issues of the American election, i.e. what's wrong with Christians supporting Trump (as usual in politics the pendulum swings the other way, too far), the comments at the bottom are interesting too.  It's a shame that in the US election, as in ours, there is a paucity of credible candidates.

Our Response to the “Trump Evangelical Advisory Board”

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – As Christian pastors, and Hispanic Baptist leaders, we have witnessed with sadness and concern the joining of the “Trump Evangelical Advisory Board” by several respected brothers and leaders, including some pastors in our Southern Baptist Convention. Let us be clear, they all have the right to join any political body, and they have done so on a personal level.

Nevertheless, we think that is not the wisest move by those we call brothers to join this particular board. We understand we need to be of “influence” or salt and light in a very dark world, but joining this board is not the wisest way to be salt and light. Upon occasion, we can influence more by holding forth the unquenchable light of the Gospel outside the camp, rather than jumping into a crowded office where the weed and wheat are undistinguishable.

It is not only Mr. Trump’s questionable character; the boasting about his fornications and his lack of repentance, and the use of an outrageous and disrespectful language to refer to the Hispanic community, igniting the hidden racism still imbedded in parts of our society. it is the joining as evangelicals with people who profane the evangelio.

This is our greatest concern. It is heart breaking to see brothers joining an “evangelical board” with false teachers like Kenneth Copeland and Paula White. These people have profaned the gospel of Christ. They teach a different gospel –i.e. the so-called prosperity gospel. They have deceived many in our Hispanic communities. In our churches, we have received many who have been victims of their fairy tales and false promises. The truth of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is too precious for us to be silent. By being part of a board with people like Copeland and White we send the wrong message to our churches and to our society, as if they are “evangelicals” as we are. Our main concern is not “political correctness”, it is about the testimony of the Gospel that has saved us and the Gospel that we proclaim.

Council Hispanic Baptist Pastors Alliance

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/warrenthrockmorton/2016/06/23/hispanic-southern-baptist-pastors-criticize-trumps-evangelical-advisory-board/

Strength made perfect in weakness

How hard we try to be strong! How we brush our weakness under the carpet, and try to pretend it doesn't exist! The show of competence we increasingly portray in our society, the show of invulnerability, a kind of act. (Note that the word hypocrisy comes from the Greek word meaning 'actor.')

Yet God said to St Paul, when he asked Him to remove his affliction, that 'thorn in the flesh' that remains unspecified, (2 Corinthians 12) “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

Marriage, problems and prayer

One of my students, a little Jewish girl, once said, "Andrew, you need a wife. You see you're so disorganised and you need someone to help you get organised." I said, "Why don't you pray for me that God sends me a wife then?" She said, "I don't  think I know the words in Hebrew for that." I said, "Well, why don't you ask Him in English then? I'm sure God will still understand your prayers if you say them in English."
~~~~
I worry because my problem is I don't have a wife.
Then I worry because if I get one, she might become my problem!
~~~~

Pulse nightclub shooting - context.

The Pulse nightclub shooting is terrible.

Our sympathy needs to go to the families of the people killed, and we should pray for those wounded in hospital.

Some surrounding facts - if this casts any light on this terrible act, I do not know. At the least it was an outrageous act of hypocrisy, or perhaps misdirected anger by the gunman at former abuse.

For it seems Seddique Mateen, the father of the Orlando nightclub gunman, Omar Mateen, runs a TV show on a Californian TV channel called Payam-e-Afghan that supports the Afghan Taliban, who are ruled by the Pashtun ethnic group. Callers into the show regularly espouse support for Pashtun domination over the other ethnic minorities in Afghanistan. Payam-e-Afghan espouses sympathy for the Taliban and criticizes US actions in Afghanistan too. The name of the show references the disputed border with Pakistan. Seddique Mateen, it seems, was a dedicated cultural Pashtun.

And amongst the Pashtun, child abuse of boys by older men is a rampant cultural custom, here is an article - the US Military when they moved in were horrified by this behaviour once they discovered what was going on. Apparently for these strict Taliban men, women are so unapproachable (they have the full body burqa in Afghanistan) that their culture has developed an institutionalised form of child abuse of boys instead.

Members of the army wondered why they were protecting a group that practiced such an abhorrent custom.

Addendum: Apparently Seddique told NBC news on Sunday that religion had nothing to do with the shooting, and offered another possible motive: in Miami a few months before his son had become enraged when two men kissed in front of his own young son.  (same link) All these facts together suggest a possible interpretation of his motives, and one hopes journalists and investigators in the US look further into the background here. Some of my questions - surely a TV show supporting the enemies of US shouldn't be allowed? It is treachery and used to be an offence punishable by death in most Western countries. And did the Pashtun bring their abhorrent customs with them to the US?

Also - Apparently when the Taliban came to power they put a stop to the practice of child abuse. Such is the complexity of real events... Seddique supports the Taliban, who tried to enforce a ban on homosexuality in Afghanistan including the rampant abuse of boys, something clearly wrong. His son then goes and shoots up a gay night-club - was he influenced by Seddique's views? You can imagine what he grew up hearing his father saying about the West...

***Further Addendum: It seems Omar Mateen was a regular attender at the nightclub and was actively gay, apparently. I wonder if the biggest attraction of martyrdom for these Moslems who commit these acts is the prospect of the forgiveness of their sins - this is, perversely, why many of them seem in fact to be very much 'integrated' into Western Society before they commit acts of suicidal terror. After becoming 'integrated' (i.e. joining in on drinking, extramarital sex, using drugs, etc etc, things which are apparently forbidden under Islamic law) they get a guilty conscience and look for a way out. I think the Quran to many Moslems is not a book that encourages the view that God forgives sins with no strings attached - no, sins need to be balanced, weighed up against good deeds, and when judgement happens you're at the mercy of whatever the scales decide. Whereas a martyr goes straight to heaven, according to their belief. So the attraction of martyrdom.

It is so very sad that these people don't believe in Jesus as Lord and Saviour - then they would know that their sins are forgiven, shown by the fact that He went to the cross and died on their behalf. They would know that they don't need to commit even more atrocious acts to gain forgiveness. Instead they despair of any solution except causing mayhem and destruction, and suicide.

Sorry

There is a great song in Bad Girls. One of the girls in prison is on the phone to her son. She has lied to him, saying she is travelling the world with her business, making money etc, because she was afraid he wouldn't accept her if she told him the truth, that she is a prostitute in prison. But it turns out he has found out that she has been lying to him. She says sorry, explains how she didn't want him to know the depths to which she had sunk, and the outcome is clear from the conversation on the phone (you only hear her side). It really is a great song.

In life, one of the greatest things anyone can receive from another is unexpected forgiveness, acceptance, love, when you expected or perhaps deserved rejection. That moment really is a mirror of divine love, the love of God, in human existence.

Pensive Thoughts.

The Christian church has two venerable traditions of (completely wrong) theology, each of which says:

1) God is love but I'll be able to get away with it even though I know I'm doing the wrong thing.
2) You're all sinners but I'm not because I'm doing the right thing but the rest of you are going to roast in hell.

But the real aim of life is to come to know God as He is in Himself.

~~~~

I once thought you could only "see" the Kingdom of God when you die. But the Kingdom of God can be seen now and operates in this world.

~~~

Everyone wants others to do the same vices as they do. Thieves want others to be thieves. Drug addicts or users want others to take drugs. Drunkards want everyone to drink. Corrupt officials try to corrupt others. People who use prostitutes want their friends to come along with them. Christians are not the only ones who evangelise.

~~~

We all feel incomplete, broken, messed up. Everyone hides it, so everyone thinks everyone else has it together much more than they do. This brokenness is the effect of the fall, the effect of human sin, we all share in it, we are in the same boat. Like a sect, the LGBT* movement want to convince people that they feel this way because they are not expressing their (supposedly latent) sexuality - but in the end, sexual 'freedom' only enslaves people more certainly in their messed up, broken lives.

*I don't include Intersex here because it is a different issue

~~~

The brokenness of humans is convenient for psychologists because it gives them an income.

Sex Difference and Jesus.

Some time ago I commented on a blog post by a New Testament theologian I really respect. I won’t identify him or the particular subset of theology/New Testament studies he’s in, just to say that he was one of my heroes (still is in some respects).

The blog post was about gender identity. I commented that his discussion left out intersex people. I asked what he thought about their situation and how that fit into his conclusions.

He deleted my comment and did not reply to it. I was quite staggered that my intellectual hero would do this*.

Anyway, in my recent reading and internet searches I stumbled across a book by someone who really has troubled to tease out the issue of intersex in relation to Christian faith.

If you don’t know, intersex people are people whose biological identity does not neatly fit into one category or other - and they are people who often left out of any discussion of gender these days in Christianity - and I really believe that this oversight shows a fundamental blind spot in Christian theology.

The book is called, “Sex Difference in Christian Theology: Male, Female, and Intersex in the Image of God”, by Megan K. De Franza, and so far it is a great read.

What is wonderful about the approach she takes is that after looking at the issues she brings it right back to Jesus.

You see, she makes a good case that He didn’t forget about intersex people in His discussions about gender. In fact, she says that when Jesus talks about ‘eunuchs’ in Matthew 19, He is using a category that in the ancient world probably included intersex people.

The context of the discussion of eunuchs in the gospel is directly after the discussion about marriage in Matthew 19, and his discussion of divorce as a concession by Moses to the hard-heartedness of men (in the sense of, males). The disciples cannot quite accept this conclusion:

The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” Matthew 19:10-12

Megan De Franza points out that Jesus is holding up the state of being a ‘eunuch’ as something to emulate.

Some thoughts I had about this: what is interesting to note is that under the Torah (the Jewish law) eunuchs were prohibited from entering the temple because they were considered unclean. Here Jesus widens the compassion of the Jewish Torah to include eunuchs, indeed, he widens the Torah to the point where the excluded become the ideal. The eunuch becomes an ideal, the eunuch for the kingdom of heaven is someone to emulate.

This opens my eyes to a fact I have partially glimpsed beforehand: at every point in Jesus’ ministry He widens the Torah to include the excluded. He heals lepers by touching them - they were ritually unclean and not allowed to be touched. He includes women (second class citizens in Judaism, not allowed to sit with men in the temple) and women in fact were the first witnesses to his resurrection. Prostitutes, tax collectors, outcasts, sinners all were included in the kingdom, because they responded when the respectable and proper did not. Jesus elevated the poor above the rich in the kingdom, and even slaves embodied the ideal for Christian leadership.

Even after Jesus’ resurrection, too, God continues widening the Torah to include everyone, thus the church is born. We gentiles forget that before Jesus we were the outsiders in God's kingdom.

And this is Jesus' vision of the Kingdom of God!  - an outrageous kingdom where everyone is welcome, where the poor, the outcast, the sinner is welcomed, and the only ones outside are those who trust in their own righteousness and not in God's outrageous mercy. Truly God is 'Abba, Father' in this kingdom!

I haven’t finished Megan De Franza’s book yet, about a quarter way through, but I can say so far it is really excellent, clear and simple in style, with outstanding Jesus-centred reasoning. I really am looking forward to getting further on, so that I can see whether she deepens her arguments further.

http://www.eerdmans.com/Products/6982/sex-difference-in-christian-theology.aspx

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Difference-Christian-Theology-Intersex/dp/0802869823

A Fantastic Promise

John Yates' latest sermon is preceded by a video of Elder D J Ward, an African American preacher preaching in the true Baptist style about the sufficiency of Christ's salvation. It really is an encouraging message, the gospel message! There is nothing we have to do to earn our salvation, it has already been done for us. How often we forget!

Here's the video:

https://vimeo.com/163252033

And John Yates' reflections on it:

http://cross-connect.net.au/promise/

Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names will just convince me not to listen to you.

Calling someone a ‘homophobe’ because they disagree with you is just as disgusting as being called a ‘pooftah’ as a kid for not having the same 'masculine' interests as others. It is bullying.

Hidden Treasure in Jars of Clay.

Words for a song I wrote, that choir is learning for Pentecost. (It's in my book.)
I am rather fond of these words. This song is one of my best efforts at summarising the gospel message, I think, and I don't think highly of myself for it - the song was a gift, really. The treasure, of course, is Jesus, Jesus' love, and we are the jars of clay.

Hidden Treasure in Jars of Clay

Gracious Father shows his favour

In the free gift of His Son

Jesus Who shrank not from dying; 

Gave His life for everyone. 

Costly pearl, yet given freely, 

No sinful man can pay enough 

to earn this treasure, worth more than diamonds, 

Freely given from above.

Heaven's gates are now thrown open

Come to Him all you who thirst;

He'll never cast out a sinner,

not even the very worst.

Those who strive and strain to please God 

never can be good enough.

But those who trust and follow Jesus

Do his deeds with hearts of love.

In the gloom of this dark valley

How we’ve wept, the tears we’ve shed! 

Yet we do not fall, despairing,

Jesus comforts us instead.

With the dark clouds the thunder beckons 

Elijah’s heart might quail with fear,

But the One who made the thunder

Is the still quiet voice we hear.

Sins forgiven

God’s redemption

Fullness of God, Jesus' love,

Poured into these cracked containers, 

Treasure inside jars of clay.

When the groaning, stretched creation 

Wakes rejoicing at the day,

All will sing to see the glory

That was hid in jars of clay.

He came to bear our shame.

I saw a speaker a few weeks ago, a lovely man called Paul who radiated a sense of peace and God's presence. He was telling us about his life.

Paul talked about how he was mocked as a child by the principal at the school he attended, who told him he was 'the king of the duffers.' In the British dialect of the area he came from, a duffer was a stupid person, a dunce, a complete fool. Paul felt intensely ashamed about this public ridicule from a figure who ought to have been encouraging him, and this sense of shame, and the shame of other events that had happened to him in his life, drove Paul to alcoholism eventually.

Paul ended up working on the mines in Australia many years later. During a break, one of the other miners, pointing to one of the truck drivers, told Paul, "Stay away from that fellow, he's a religious nut, crazy about Jesus." Anyhow, Paul ended up talking to that truck driver, and came to faith in Jesus.

One of the things Paul discovered about Christ is that, on the cross, Jesus took our sin and shame. Realising that Jesus had carried all of his shames, Paul gave his sense of shame to Jesus, about his childhood humiliation by the principal at the school, and the shame of the other things that had happened to humiliate him over the years, and all his sins. This was his journey to inner freedom in Christ, and I believe is why Paul gives such a sense of peace when he is talking about Jesus, as though Christ's grace is free to flow through him.

One day, Paul was struggling with going to have another drink. He cried out to God, saying "I can't do it! The desire is too strong!" and in that moment he says God cut his dependance on alcohol completely, and since then he has never had another drop to drink.

Anyway, in Paul's talk one point that really stayed with me was this - that Jesus has taken our shame as well as our sin. It's not something I've often thought about before. For me, anyway, it wasn't hard to think of times when I've felt very ashamed and completely humiliated - these events tend to stick in your mind, like hard, pointed sticks, giving you pain, and causing whole areas of our emotional life to be something to be avoided because of the past, like an injury that causes you to wince whenever you use that part of your body.

I realised that in my own life a lot of actions and reactions can be explained by shame that I've experienced as the victim of other people's sins and thoughtlessness and nastiness, as well as the shame of my own sins, my own actions and reactions to others at times.

And this is what Paul was saying, that Jesus came to take all our shame - the shame of both the victim and the perpetrator - the shame of sins done to us as well as the shame of the sins we have done. That really is the great compassion of God.

Paul said you could go through your life - think of every shame, and every sin, and cast it onto Jesus, realising he has already carried it for you on the cross. Jesus is the true and only cure for sin and shame - He has done for us what dulling the pain and running away can never do, and as someone who has given to Jesus myself all of my shame and sins, I have found this to be true as well for me. If you haven't tried giving Jesus all your sin and shame already, then you should, because he really is the only one who can save us from these things.